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Adolf Hitler turned three this week.

Yes, Adolf Hitler Campbell, of Holland Township, New Jersey, brother of JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell (I wish I was joking), turned three and was (shockingly!!) refused a cake with his name on it.

His parents were outraged. How dare the supermarket baker refuse a completely reasonable request? How dare they!!

Well, what can I say. I’m truly shocked. Thank God Walmart (supposedly – I read it somewhere but it may be a lie, so don’t quote me) stepped in and provided the cake.

The entire world has gone barmy.

In the Express-Times editors blog, Joe Owens points out ‘stupid is as stupid does‘. So true.

One wonders what kind of life these children will have? In the comments following the article, someone points out the children will be bullied when they reach school. Another is quick to point out it is probable the children will be home-schooled, thereby avoiding the bullying, but then – surely – also meaning the children don’t have a hope in hell of growing up with a normal, balanced perspective.

This would be a travesty.

In New Zealand, a nine-year-old girl was taken into custody because her name – “Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii” – was considered to amount to the same thing as child abuse. As someone who has lived with the indignity of ‘Flora’ her entire life* – which is not even in vaguely the same ballpark of bad – I would have to agree. I would also suggest naming a child Adolf Hitler amounts to pretty much the same thing.

Authorities in New Zealand have said they have the power to stop children being given stupid names. Names such as ‘Fish and Chips’ have already been rejected (and hopefully the child taken away from the clearly incompetent/intoxicated parent).

So why, I ask, was someone allowed to name their child Adolf Hitler? In full no less. I could see an ‘Adolf’ getting through maybe (although I would imagine it is not in the “ten most popular names for baby boys 2008”), but the whole name? And ‘Aryan Nation’? Perhaps the question needs to be not how could the parents have called their children this – as, in the words of Owens, stupid is as stupid does – but who on earth signed off the birth certificates?

* No, I am not a margarine and I am not spreadable or any of the things you may be thinking of. My mother defends her choice of name by explaining she did not think Flora Margarine, a fairly new brand at the time of my birth, would survive for that long. This would indicate a level of understanding the complexity of margarine sales which I am pretty sure she has never had any knowledge of whatsoever.

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